Just yesterday, a good friend and mentor of mine, sent me a link to YouTube and suggested that I take a look. I am generally not a Big YouTuber, but anything posted by TED – Ideas Worth Spreading, I just can’t ignore, because they usually are worth spreading! I found this one to be no exception.
The presenter is Dr Shefali Tsabary. She is a clinical psychologist and author of The Conscious Parent. Having only discovered her work yesterday, I can’t say that I have read her book… but I intend to. Until she landed in my inbox, I had never before heard her name! I am so thankful that I now have, because what she had to share, truly resonated with me.
Quite serendipitously my last post carried an eerily familiar parallel to her presentation.Dr Tsabary speaks about how our interactions with our children, tell us more about ourselves than we may care to know, or even be aware of. Often times the way we respond to them is deeply rooted within our own childhood relationships, with the adults who carried the responsibility of raising us. Those experiences form part of who we become as adults, and are reflected in the way we parent our own children.
Unfortunately, we seem to hear many more tales of unhappy childhoods, than of happy ones. Is this because there really are more sad tales, or is it perhaps that we are too quick to blame our parents for who we have become…or haven’t become? It could perhaps be that those of us with ‘good’ childhood experiences take them for granted and assume that most people grow up the way we did. I know that is true for me. Only as an adult working with children did I begin to realise that not everyone had the same reality that I was fortunate to call ‘my childhood’. My Mom always said that ‘You never know what goes on behind closed doors’ and as with many things, she is once again correct. (Yes Mom, mothers do know best!) Anyway, whatever the reason, here is the good news for all of us…
Our childhood experiences don’t have to translate into doom and gloom for our own children. If anything, our past experience give us the impetus for change and Dr Tsabary acknowledges that relationships are where our true power to parent lies. I can’t resist mentioning here that the same sentiment is expressed by Dr Gordon Neufeld (who else?). Now, you seriously, you didn’t honestly think that I would write a post that didn’t include a reference to him…did you? Really?
This is the man who has an entire 24 hour DVD course entitled “Power To Parent”. You can find out more about it here. He teaches that Right Relationships and Soft Hearts are the way through and this combination is what will empower us to grow our children up to reach their potential to become fully human. What we don’t anticipate is that once we understand what is needed, we get to work and without expecting to, we start truly growing up alongside them. Score!
So, now that I know about Dr Shefali Tsabary, I want to share her sentiments with you.
And without any further delay, I give you Dr Shefali Tsabary.
© True Growth Parenting,2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to True Growth Parenting with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.